Everyone knows that children can be brutally honest and say the most outrages things without giving it as much as a second thought. This is their charm, it’s what makes them so surprising, funny and amazingly smart, but it can also make our lives as parents a living hell!!

Here is a short list of some of the most embarrassing things children can say or do in public, just to keep us on our toes, and just because they can.

The Supermarket Tantrum

It’s a classic! We’ve all been there: shopping trolley full, list in hand, good intention in mind, and a screaming child laying on the ground beside you, whom you are desperately trying to pretend is not yours. This is usually followed by further embarrassment as you try to look calm and cool while you drag your child out of the store, leaving the shopping trolley behind you, and ignoring the looks you are getting from the other shoppers, that are ranging from criticizing judgement to sheer pity. To top it off, these moments always seem to happen exactly as the neighbourhood’s biggest gossip walks by, with her perfectly behaved children, just to remind you that not only have you hit rock bottom, but also that everyone you know will be hearing about it.

Telling Their Teachers Stuff You Don’t Want Them To Know

Like ‘daddy slept in the guest room last night’, or ‘mommy drinks wine every evening’. Yes, our kids tell it all. My personal favourite was when my eldest told the entire PTA how ‘my mommy is rubbish at baking’ to which one of the moms replied, ‘don’t worry, we’re only making pancakes’ (obviously trying to help me out). But my daughter, always the honest one, carried on and said ‘I’m not worried, my mommy can’t make pancakes either’.

Telling Their Friends’ Parents Stuff You Don’t Want Them To know

Like ‘my mommy lets us watch TV while having pizza and chips when she’s had a ‘long day at the office’ and she can’t be asked to cook’, or ‘my mommy doesn’t wash me every day and only cleans my ears once a month when they start itching’, or the winner ‘my mommy says that you’re the neighbourhood’s biggest gossip’. HA!

Pooing/ Weeing in Public

I’m not even talking about the horrors of ‘potty training’ in a public setting – oh yes, you know what I’m talking about – the disgusting portable potty, the rushing to the toilet before they wet themselves (or worst), and the inevitable ‘accident’ that always (always) seems to come in the worst possible moment. I’m talking about how mortifying it is when you have to let your child wee (or worst) on a tree, in the street, literally like a dog! And again, why is it that whenever this happens you always seem to run into that neighbourhood’s biggest gossip AGAIN?!

Taking Off All Their Clothes and Running Around Naked

My two and a half is going through this phase now whereby she will take off all her clothes (I think just because it’s a new skill she has recently learnt), and then run around naked singing at the top of her lungs. Adorable right? It is. When it’s done at home or at the beach, not so much when it’s done at synagogue during a Bar Miitzva service…

Swearing

Always bad obviously but even worst when done in public. We were on a family holiday at Center Parcs, and as we were getting ready to go swimming my eldest dropped the pound coin I gave her for the lockers down the drain. Surrounded by parents and their children, all excited and gearing to go, she turned to me and shouted “shit mom! I just dropped the pound down the drain!” Thank god she didn’t say ‘for fox sake’ that time, another great phrase which has, so far, only been said in private.

Touching themselves (yep, you know what I mean)

Something all kids do and is perfectly natural, but when done in the wrong place at the wrong time (like at the dentist or at your cousin’s wedding), this can be a highly embarrassing experience for all parties involved. I’ll leave it at that!

Talking about People (in their presence)

How mortifying is it when your child says, or asks, something about a person RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. So after I had a little chat with my nearly five year old about how she shouldn’t say things about other people in front of them, but rather wait to tell/ ask me when we are alone, one day while on the bus a man with a rather large nose caught her attention. She was staring at it for a good few minutes and I was clutching my chair praying she didn’t say anything. We finally reached our stop and started making our way to the door, I was so relieved she hadn’t said anything, when she suddenly turned around to the guy and said: “me and my mommy will be discussing your nose when we get home”. So close…

Please feel free to share your embarrassing stories with me, I’d love to hear them!

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