I am so glad I spent over seven years of my adult life getting a higher education. From my Law degree and passing the bar exams, to my Masters in Performing Arts, it really was time well spent and has prepared me for the hardest, most challenging, job in the world – being a parent.

NOT.

I think it’s safe to say that NOTHING can prepare you for the mind-blowing adventure that is parenting, and this goes for the good, the bad, the ugly and the totally stupid (which is where I am going with this).

To say that in all my years on this planet, nothing could have prepared me for the things I would actually have to say to my kids is a massive understatement. I am in fact repeatedly in shock by some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth which is what brought me and my new best friend – The Dad Network, to put together this little list of some of the best (and worst) sentences us parents have said to our kids.

I have no doubt that some of the things will probably sound mental, but I can assure you that they have all been said by parents just like you (and in some cases, on more than one occasion).

So hold on people, this may be amusing!

1)      “Stop drinking fart water”.

2)      “Give me back the poo”.

3)      “Stop licking me”.

4)      “Stop rubbing the slice of ham over the television”.

5)      “Stop peeing on your brother’s head” followed by “no, it’s not water, stop licking your hand”.

6)      “Stop trying to shut your willy in the washing machine door!”

7)      “Please don’t fart in my face”.

8)      “Stop sticking money up your bum”.

9)      “No swimming in the kitchen”.

10)  Heard from the kitchen “please give mummy the carving knife”.

11)  “Why are my sunglasses in the jelly?”

12)  “No, I don’t want to see what you’ve got up your nose”.

13)  “I don’t care if you’re Darth Vedar, come out of the kitchen”.

14)  “The dog is crying because he is not a horse and doesn’t like you riding on his back” (he’s a West Highland Terrier).

15)  “Yes, our house is made of bricks, and no – the big bad wolf will never be able to blow it down! And, are you sure he lives in the shed? I’ve never seen him there… “.

We would love to hear from you guys what other funny things you have said to your kids and the stories behind them so please feel free to comment and tag anyone you know who might like to join in on the fun!

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