A few nights ago on ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ (yes I’m a fan), you said how happy you were to be in Fergie’s new music video M.I.L.F$ (which is supposed to have some sort of ‘pro mom’ message). You said that you are “all about” empowering other moms but later added that you are not like one of those “mom moms”.
When you said ‘mom mom’ I can only imagine that what you meant was the ‘average mom’.
A mom like me – who works hard, raises her kids to the best of her ability and who just can’t see the point in prancing around in stilettos if she doesn’t really have to.
Without getting too much into what I think about Fergie’s music video, (I have never seen such a misrepresentation of moms in my whole life), I have a little request from you Kim:
As much as I am ‘team Kim’ (even from before it became popular), I have to be blunt here and say that nothing you do actually empowers the average mother, and you yourself admit that you are not one of us, so I wonder who it is you think you are representing?
For one, the average mom doesn’t have time to go to the gym five times a week. She works her ass off all day long and if she manages to do a sad thirty minute workout in her living room on a Tuesday night before crashing at 21:00 pm, she feels like a f***ing rock star.
Secondly, the average mom can’t afford plastic surgery, lip fillers and Botox so she has a few wrinkles from laughing when her kids are being silly or from frowning when her husband pisses her off. Her boobs might be saggy, she’s got stretch marks and she wears yoga pants whenever she can, cos they are super comfy and when you’re an ‘average mom’ that’s important.
Sure, she wants to workout more, she wants to go out more, she wants to have more money and go on more holidays, but she also thinks high heels are stupid and although she wants the best for her kids, she sometimes gives them chicken nuggets for dinner cos she doesn’t always have time to cook the organic wild salmon and kale she bought (which are currently rotting in her fridge).
But she is doing her best.
Some days she feels like sh*t, some days she feels like a winner. Some days she just eats ice cream. She worries, she gets on with life, she is being real.
You see Kim, after a long day of working, looking after the kids, cooking, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, helping the kids with their homework and walking the dog, this lady does not need to see your glossy face on a magazine and read how you Kim think you are representing her. How you are empowering her and helping her feel better about herself and her body.
Do you see how absurd that is?
As an average mom I can tell you this Kim: there are days that I wish I looked younger, slimmer and more beautiful. There are days that I wish I could wear a bikini again and that my skinny jeans which I am still holding on to for when I finally go on a diet, fit me again. But most days, I remind myself that looks, although important, are not everything.
I also know that your looks will one day fade too. Even with all the help and money in the world, one day your boobs will be saggy and you will no longer be able to hide the wrinkles. When that happens, many, many years from now, I have no doubt that you will look back on your life and the fact you were once ‘hot’ will not be what you are most proud of. It will not be your biggest ‘achievement’ in life. And you may even suddenly realize what an utter waste of time it was to obsess about it.
Please know that I am not trying to ‘body shame’ you.
I think it’s great that you take so much pride in how you look and you are very lucky to be able to afford the luxury of having private trainers, private cooks, best cosmetic products etc that help you look the way you do. I also have no doubt that you have a strong will and that looking the way you do takes a lot of work and effort and I honestly am happy for you, because I see how very important it is to you.
I am not trying to be mean or judgemental. As a woman and a mother – I would never do that.
All I am trying to say is that, as an ‘average mom’ ( a ‘mom mom’ as you called it), I want you to stop thinking you empower women. Because you don’t.
But if you really want to empower other moms, I’ll tell you what you could do.
Next time you take a selfie, don’t hold the camera in that high angle that makes your waist look even smaller than it already is. You don’t need it and we don’t need to think you are THAT fit. Make sure you don’t have any make up on so we can see that you are not perfect.
But most importantly, tell us about how your kids kept you up all night or how they threw a tantrum at the supermarket. Show how messy your house looks before the cleaner arrives and tell the millions of average moms like me that’s it’s okay not to have it together all the time and that even the great Kim K loses her sh*t sometimes.
That would be a good place to start.
We already live in a world that feeds off people’s insecurities (especially women). Whole industries rely on this to exist.
The cosmetic industry want us to think ageing is something we can actually stop so that they can sell us facial creams and makeup to cover up our skin “imperfections”. The plastic surgery industry want us to believe that a woman’s body should look the same as it did when she was 16, even after giving birth, breastfeeding and c sections. How crazy is that?! And the diet and food supplements industry want us to believe that if we are skinny – we are happy.
This is how they make their money. Feeding off our insecurities, and I’m sorry to say this, but it’s people like you that help them do it.
I know it’s a lot to ask to not take part in this vicious game, especially since it’s also how you make your own living, but I do have to ask you to at least try harder.
It’s one thing to pose for fashion magazines and sell millions of women the illusion of slim=happy, or shove in their faces the fact that after having two kids you look even better than you did before. But it’s a whole other level when you think you are actually ‘representing’ other moms.
Your body is something you are proud of and that’s awesome, but you might want to try and show some sensitivity to those who are struggling to lose weight after having kids and regain their confidence and their ‘old self’ back (whatever that is).
After all, they are the ones you claim to be ’empowering’.
An Average Mom x
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