On January 1st 2017, Eva Amurri Martino (daughter of Hollywood star Susan Sarandon), revealed on her Blog – Happily Eva After, that her baby son had been dropped on his head by his night nurse.
In her post titled, ‘The Struggle is Real’, the mom writes that a couple of days after Thanksgiving, a night nurse who was caring for the then ten-week-old baby, fell asleep while holding baby Major and dropped him. Major cracked his head on the hardwood floor as a result of the fall. Both parents were sleeping at the time and were awoken by the sound of the bay’s head hitting the floor.
The baby suffered a fractured skull and bleeding on his brain and was rushed by ambulance to Yale Medical Center where he spent two days receiving emergency care.
Thankfully, Major recovered and is now back at home with his family.
In her post, Eva speaks frankly about the guilt she feels following the event. She talks about how she still blames herself, how she is now struggling to trust anyone with her son, how she is suffering from panic attacks and anxiety and how she has struggled to get back to herself since that night.
She also explains why it took her so long to share the story, one of the main reasons being fear of the nasty comments and judgment she knew she would get.
She ends the post saying she will be taking some time off the blog and wishing everyone a happy new year.
Can you guess what happened next?
You guessed it. Although Eva did get a massive amount of support and well wishes, many people had something to say about her parenting skills.
Comments along the lines of “Hey, here’s an idea…TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS!” flooded the internet, with people blaming Eva for what had happened to Major and judging her for having paid help.
I am so sick of this.
Number one – I can’t believe that in 2017 people still forget to talk about ‘dad’. Hello? Are we really sill living in the 50’s that babies are still only mom’s responsibility or have you just all lost your minds a little bit? This baby who is clearly loved, has a father too and I’m not hearing anyone talk about him – why is that?
Now that I got my feminist argument out of the way, let me tell you what’s really bothering me.
We are a generation of ‘I can do it all’ moms, and you know what? I call bullshit.
As a super capable individual myself (hey, I have three kids, two of which are twins, and there is only a two year difference between my eldest and my twins, I have a part time job, I make it every day to pick up, I cook somewhat healthy stuff nearly every day, my house is semi-tidy, I can put together an Ikea dresser and change a lightbulb, not to mention the fact I can snowboard and I know all the words to ‘gangsta paradise’), but I am the first to admit that I need help, I want help, I love help and I accept help whenever it is offered.
I am sick of this charade so many moms play (or are forced to play) as if ‘we’ve got this, no problem’. There is no shame in saying “actually, I’m struggling and I could use some help”.
Have we not had enough young moms kill themselves due to PPD? And how many moms suffer from depression cos they just can’t handle the pressure?
Look back at history ladies – motherhood has never been as lonely as it is today. Women used to help each other with raising kids. It’s not just a saying “it takes a village” – it’s the truth, it’s how it used to be. Raising kids is hard but these days women are expected to just do it all by themselves and those who have help (especially paid help) are labeled ‘bad moms’.
Well, f*uck that.
Let me tell you a personal story – when the twins were born I couldn’t cope. Some of you may know I suffered from Preeclampsia and spent two months in hospital before they were delivered via C-Section.
Then 12 hours after their birth my blood pressure shot up and reached 240/120. I was shaking all over and had totally lost control over my body. I was about to die and it was truly a miracle that I didn’t.
My recovery was hard. My body was weak, all the drugs took their toll and I couldn’t handle two babies. I cried, I suffered, I tried and tried till I realized ‘this is crazy’ and together with my husband we decided to get help.
We hired a maternity nurse who helped with EVERYTHING, including the nights, and I can tell you for a fact – this lady saved my life.
I am sorry if this does not meet some people’s standards or if anyone thinks that this makes me a shit mom. We did what was right for our family at the time and I don’t regret it one bit.
Finally, I will say this – I don’t really understand why it is anyone’s business how someone else raises their children. Seriously, why do people think their opinion matters or is even wanted? News flash people – no one cares what you think so mind your own business!
Everyone is so focused on finding someone to blame when something bad happens, but what about finding some compassion towards those who are suffering instead? This mom is crushed. This mom is already beating herself up. So shame on you.
Yesterday Eva replied to her haters on Instagram saying – “Parenthood is not a competition. Nobody gets an award at the end of all of it for doing it the best or most perfect way. All that matters is how we make our children feel, how we feel about them, and how we feel about ourselves as parents. To those who have expressed judgment, cruelty, and criticism of me, my choices, or my fragility during this time- I’m not going to justify myself to you. But I sincerely wish that 2017 brings you enough self-love and confidence that you no longer feel the need to tear down another person during their darkest moment”.
Amen to that!