I used to think that being a mom would be easy. Used to think that when the time was right, it would just happen, I’d know what to do, I’d fall pregnant as soon as I tried, I would do it all natural, breastfeed for ages, bake cookies, have a clean house, juggle work and home life like a boss, wear make up every day, hell – shower every day, and still have the energy to have crazy sex with my husband three times a week.
But then I actually had kids.
I don’t know why no one tells moms the truth about what it’s like to be a mom? Why do people keep selling women bulshit ideas of how easy, wonderful and natural it all is?
I did not fall pregnant as soon as I wanted to – it took time and eventually we had to get help. I did not feel beautiful throughout my pregnancy and I certainly did not “glow”. I did not have a natural birth despite really wanting it and I did not find breastfeeding super easy and natural, even though I did it for seven months.
And guess what? I suck at baking!
I am so sick of society putting so much pressure on moms to be ‘perfect’ and to do it all with a massive fake smile on our faces.
These days it’s not good enough if you just feed your kids – the food needs to be homemade. And that’s not good enough either cos the food needs to be organic and locally sourced. And even that’s not good enough if you don’t introduce ‘new tastes’ and have shit like kale and quinoa at least twice a week. And just when you think you’re doing enough you realize that you’re not because you have fussy-eaters who don’t like anything except pizza, and that’s obviously somehow YOUR fault mom.
It is no wonder that so many moms are depressed. So many moms are hiding indoors cos they don’t want to leave their houses, or not having people over cos they are ashamed of how messy their houses are, or feeling alone and like they can’t even vent and say how they feel because everyone’s a critic these days and because motherhood should be joyful, fun and easy-peasy, right?
Listen up – I f*cking adore my children. They have brought me light, laughter and more joy than I ever thought they would. They have taught me stuff, they have inspired me, they are the loves of my life and I would walk till the end of the world and back for each and every one of them.
But I refuse to keep quiet and pretend like ‘I got this’ and like things are ‘hunky dory’ all the time just cos that’s what people NEED to hear.
I have bad days – days I just want them to f*ck off so I can feel sane. I have days I don’t fancy cooking an organic meal and guess what – no one dies. I don’t always get dressed, some days I wear my coat over my pyjamas and I use dry shampoo so deal with it.
If you make such great cakes, why don’t you bake one for me too?
If you see me tired and I stink how about offering to babysit my kids so I can have a bath and shave my legs?
And if I say it’s hard, tell me it’s okay, don’t judge me for being human.
And moms – asking for help does not mean you are weak and is nothing to be ashamed of. You are not alone, not by a long shot. I am right here with you, along with all the other fabulous moms who know that there is no one way of being a perfect mother, but there are plenty of ways of being a good enough one.