My day starts with three hours at the zoo listening to my 3-year-olds moan, fight and constantly ask me to do something for them. I then take my eldest to an afternoon event at her school.
There I am, in the midst of another child packed activity, shattered and kinda recovering from a night out we had last night, PLUS did I mention we ran out of milk this morning so I hadn’t had a coffee all freaking day?!?!?!
The twins and Mike join us at some point, there is more moaning, “why did she have a bigger slice of cake?”, requests “I want water”, “I need to poo” and just generally “mommmmmy” 500 times till I literally want to bash my face into a wall.
In the car on the way back home I get asked 200 questions about stuff that I genuinely don’t give a shit about, and at some point I have to twist my body around in a way that is physically impossible, just so I can remove a piece of banana skin off a hysterical 3-year-old who suddenly can’t do anything for herself.
Mike takes the dog out and I put on dinner.
When they are not looking I walk into the pantry and eat a small bag of chips. I know that if they find me they’re gonna want it and there is no way I am sharing this!
Dinner finished, baths all done, one last story to go.
No one asks me how MY day was, how I feel, what I want, what I need.
I’m just the lady that does stuff for them. That person who they come to when they need something: a hug, a snack, advice, money and I feel so lonely I just want to scream.
And yes, I know it’s just a day.
I know things will be better tomorrows.
I know this too shall pass.
I know I am lucky and blessed.
I know it’s just a phase.
I know they grow up so fast and I’m gonna miss it when they don’t need me anymore.
But you know what? that doesn’t change the fact that TODAY motherhood beat the shit out of me.
And you know what else? some days are just like that and it’s okay to admit it.