People often joke about sex after marriage.
But for me, the big change in our sex life came after we had children, and if I am being totally honest, I don’t think the lack of sleep or time were the only reasons for why we basically stopped having sex for a while. I mean let’s face it, how much time and energy do you really need for a three-minute ‘quickie’ before the baby wakes?
In my personal experience, it had more to do with how I felt about my own sexuality.
You see, something happened to me after I became a mom.
In fact, it started the moment I discovered I was carrying a baby inside me, almost as if something in my DNA had changed forever.
My body was no longer a selfish vehicle of fun that got me from point A to B, it actually had another purpose – to create life.
And that’s a pretty big deal.
After I gave birth to my first child over six years ago, my body felt different. My boobs and mainly my nipples, which up until that moment were my sex ‘on’ button, were sore and leaking and the thought of my husband going anywhere near them made me cringe.
This did not seem to bother him one bit by the way, and he was totally up for it despite the repulsed face I pulled every time he tried to seduce me, but the bottom line was that I felt as if my sexuality and interest in sex were just sucked out of my body when my babies were pulled out.
It has been four years since the birth of my last babies (the twins) and I can tell you for a fact that things still don’t feel like they used to.
Granted, sex is better now, the ‘on’ button’ seems to be working again, but it’s just not the same.
While I know things can’t go back to exactly how they were before, I would be lying if I did not admit that I sometimes miss the ‘old me’.
That sexual being who pounces on her husband not because we haven’t had sex in a while and that’s “really bad” for our relationship, but because I actually WANT and NEED to.
Because you see:
I miss sex and more importantly, I miss feeling sexual.
Now, I know that in the grinding and mind-numbing daily routine of doing the laundry, cooking, school runs, cleaning up poop and losing our shit, having sex is the last thing on our busy minds. I know that compared to trying to achieve world peace, or end world hunger, getting laid seems insignificant and selfish.
But you know what?
It’s time to be selfish ladies.
For one, it’s time to rip that silence apart, talk about it and encourage each other, know that we are not alone in how we feel, that it is normal, just another phase and that this too shall pass.
It is also time to put down the dishes, forget about the ‘to do list’ and find time for ourselves. Rediscover the new bodies we have, find out what we like and tell our partners how we’ve changed because at the end of the day, our ‘mom bodies’ deserve to have fun and it is high time to get our mojos back and make multiple orgasms (on any orgasms for that matter) our priority.
Are you with me?!