An Open Letter To The Man Who Called Me A "Feminist"

Dear Stranger, You emailed me in response to my video - A MESSAGE TO THE MEN WHO ARE OFFERING ME SEX.

You called me a whore, a slut and a bitch and told me that you wouldn't have sex with me even if I were the last woman on earth and your dick was about to fall off.

I was about to stop reading your email when I saw the next line: "feminists make me laugh".

And that's when I got mad.

Just to recap for those who missed that video -  following several messages from young single men offering me sex and foot massages, I posted a humorous video in response, stating that as a married woman I am not currently looking for a new sexual partner.

I also mentioned that if I were looking for one, he should know that after having two c sections I probably will never wear a thong again and that "I like me some granny pants". I mentioned that I need to be in bed by 9 pm regardless of how hot this fictional new sexual partner's body is and that as fun as licking my toes sounds, I would much rather receive a pedicure if he can master it.

This video went viral and I received mainly positive feedback from both men and women who got the joke and confessed their love for granny pants.

But not everyone thought it was funny.

Some guys thought it was outrageously rude that I would refuse sexual offers from strangers, or that I would even bring such a taboo subject up and discuss it so freely and openly.

You see, it works much better when the girl says nothing. When she gets harassed, or sexualised, or even attacked and just keeps her mouth shut. I mean, sayings something about it, not to mention making fun of it, is just really inconvenient for the guys who think it's totally cool to send a married woman (or any woman for that matter) dick pics and ask her to blow them.

And as if calling a woman who does NOT want to have sex with you a "whore" is not absurd enough, you had to go and throw in the word "feminist". Almost as if to say that only a feminist would refuse to have sex with a guy she never met.

You used the word as if it were an insult. As if to say that women who do not accept your passes are some sort of men-haters, bra burners lesbians because there really is no other reason in the world why any women would refuse to have sex with a guy as charming as you.

Seriously?

I can list a whole bunch of other reasons but you know what? I am not going to because I know you just won't get it.

What I will say this - I am a "feminist", and I don't see it as an insult.

Too many people these days wave that word around like it's the worse thing a person could be. I swear it's almost as bad as calling someone the c-word.

How ridiculous is that?

And although it can mean different things to different people and I get that, in most cases, and by definition, it means a person who supports feminism which is "the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes".

Not superiority, not hatred of, not anti-feminine - EQUALITY.

Now, I'll have you know that as a "feminist" I do not burn my bras, in fact - I have been wearing a bra for most of my life because my boobs have always been massive, and since I am a sensible feminist I realise that my back needs the support, so why the hell would I burn them? Also, my favourite colour happens to be pink and although I've never been a 'girly girl' I do love getting my nails done and I giggle like a teenager when my beloved husband gives me chocolates and flowers (mainly over the chocolates).

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you want to insult me, you are going to have to try much harder next time.

And until then, let's just agree that the whole sex thing is not gonna happen between us and that it's probably for the best.

Best wishes,

Tova (aka "I love me some granny pants" lady) x