"BEING TRANSGENDER IS THE MOST BORING THING ABOUT ME"

Sophie Cook is a Former Labour Party Parliamentary Candidate, RAF veteran, author of 'Not Today', public speaker, photographer, self harm and suicide survivor… and she is also transgender.

She was previously known as Steve but says about herself that she knew from the age of six that she was a girl and whilst attending summer camp back then she had told everyone her name was Jenny.

Killing Kittens invited me to attend a talk last night titled 'Grabbing Life By The Balls' with Sophie and I went along with a friend. Neither of us are trans and I personally don't know any trans people but the topic has always fascinated me and I am passionate about shedding light on the subject even more so now after hearing her story.

Sophie is a shy woman, despite the fact she stood in front of a room full of people and made us all laugh (and cry). You can see her venerability, especially when she talks about the pain she felt all her life knowing she "was wrong". A pain that led to several suicide attempts and eventually a decision that while she may end up killing herself one day, it's not going to be today. That's the title of her book and what she has tattooed on her arm - not today - a reminder of the fact that her pain is hers to carry and not anyone else's and that she only needs to endure one day at a time. A good reminder for us all if you ask me.

She allows any questions to be asked and I think this is the best part of her talk. The fact that "no question is too stupid" liberates people to ask the things they truly want to know and helps close the gap or at least makes it smaller.

I sat next to another trans woman, lets call her Amy. An elegant lady who was dressed like you'd expect the editor of Vogue to look like. She was softly spoken and told me about her own journey of transitioning and how she is a city lawyer by day and her real self by night. It's almost like having a superhero identify only the costume is the real you and the day to day persona is your cover.

I was happy to hear she feels supported by women. In fact, on her way to the talk a few 20 years old girls passed her on the street and told her she was stunning. You could see how much it meant to her. I found myself rooting for her without even knowing her.

Sophie talked a lot about Steve, his past, everything he had gone through, two divorces, his career in football and how he came out to his club. She had a lot of compassion toward Steve, which she summed up so beautifully by saying "everyone always tells me I'm so brave. But it’s Steve who was brave. He held it together for long enough for me to be here".

I think that for many people the trans world is an enigma. To understand what it must feel like when everything about you feels wrong is something most of us simply can't relate to, and I'm telling you that from my first row seat i was sat in, it was heartbreaking to listen to. I kept thinking about my own children, about my close friends, about people I love in my life and I would have been devastated knowing anyone of them had those type of thoughts and feelings about themselves.

It makes you suddenly question how important are the technical bits after all. Does it matter what body parts we have at the end of the day? Sophie doesn't think it does, for her having a penis or not is not what determines her being a woman. She knows she is and has always been and she doesn't need anyone's validation. She also knows that not every trans person's journey is the same and others feel differently.

I see Amy nodding. She later tells me that she is in mid transition and from the conversation with her I gather and she is likely to opt for surgery.

But by the end of the evening I realise that it doesn't really matter. My only wish is that more people attended such talks, I think we could all benefit from them. Just getting to know more about what we are potentially uncomfortable about or just unsure makes such a big difference and I salute Sophie for putting herself out there as an ambassador for her community.

Most of us want to be happy in this world. Life is short so why shouldn’t we be? It takes a lot of guts to be who we really are and I can't imagine how much harder that is if you are trans. But in the end it was Sophie's daughter who summed it up best when she said: “Steve was great, but Sophie is better”.

And I wonder - aren’t we all better when we are being ourselves?