Tantra Baby, Tantra
I signed up for the Living Tantra retreat in Portugal on a bit of a whim. You know those moments when you’re vaguely scrolling, see words like “be worshipped as a Goddess,” and think, “Yeah, go on then”? That was me.
Before this retreat, my understanding of tantra was basically Austin Powers in a velvet suit purring, “Tantra, baby, tantra,” while doing bad pelvic thrusts and sprinkling rose petals everywhere. In my head it was all feather boas, endlessly drawn-out foreplay and maybe a gong in the background for spiritual ambience. Deep down I suspected there was more to it than a groovy sex montage… but a girl can hope, right?
Truth is, this wasn’t my first experience with Tantra - I’ve dipped my toes into workshops and shorter retreats that mix a bit of everything - some breathwork here, a cacao ceremony there - but I’d never thrown myself into a full-on, week-long tantric immersion.
Well. I have now. And let’s just say… this is not your gentle “do a couple of stretches and chant Om” kind of week.
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What Living Tantra Says It Is
On paper, Living Tantra is “the path of mastering the human experience” - embracing both pleasure and pain, your light and your dark, being “hot and holy” in and out of the bedroom.
Over eight days you journey through the chakras - survival, sexuality, power, heart, creativity, intuition, and finally oneness - using teachings, ceremonies, song, movement, shadow work, and all sorts of energetic wizardry.
It’s marketed as a space to clear stagnant energy, awaken your life force, integrate your shadows, and come home to the innate wisdom of your body.
All of that is absolutely true. But there’s also a fair amount of: screaming, crying and what sometimes felt like your soul being dragged through metaphorical mud (more on that later).
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What It Was Like For Me
As I reunited with the other PTA mums this morning, all of them were dying to know what “a week of tantra” was like, and if I can now orgasm from any part of my body, I found myself saying: “Honestly? It was amazing and awful. The best and worst thing I’ve ever done. I loved it and hated it at the same time.” Which, to be fair, is probably the most accurate review of deep spiritual work… and also of childbirth, marriage and most group activities involving name tags.
I took away some genuinely powerful tools and insights - especially around my inner archetypes of femininity and masculinity and how they show up in my relationships. Seeing those patterns so clearly was… confronting, but in a really useful, “oh right, it’s me, I’m the drama” kind of way.
It’s not that the insights were radically new, but the angle was different. Throughout the week I kept realising it’s often less about the what and more about the how - and doing the work in an embodied way, rather than just analysing everything to death in my head, made all the difference. There were moments where the teachings landed so deeply that I felt my whole system soften. Little clicks of “ohhh, that’s why I do that thing” that I know will stay with me long after the retreat.
I particularly loved anything that brought us into the body in a grounded, playful way - movement, song, connection exercises. That’s my happy place: laughing, moving, feeling, without needing to scream my lungs out like I’m auditioning for an exorcism movie.
Because yes, there is quite a lot of cathartic release work: full-body sobbing, primal screams, diving deep into shadows. And while I completely respect that this is medicine for many people, there were moments where I found myself thinking:
“Do we have to drag the soul through the pits of hell to be enlightened? Can we not giggle our way to God instead?”
I’m personally more of a “heal through joy, humour and good music” kind of girl. But hey, each to their own - and I did still get a lot from witnessing it all.
Every night we would have a ‘temple’ which was so much fun! One of my favourite temple nights was the self-love exploration, where you’re invited to explore your own pleasure (non-sexual – it can literally be tickling your own arm). As I found myself enthusiastically grinding against a pillow, I did have a moment of, “Wait… is everyone else just having a lovely nap while I’m over here on a one-woman mission?” I guess I will never know and that’s probably a good thing…
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The 1:1 Session That Hit Me Right in the Daddy Issues
One of the most powerful parts of the week for me was a private session with Sasha Martineau.
We went deep into my relationship with my father - not exactly light bedtime story material, but very needed. There were hard truths, uncomfortable feelings, and some of those horrible/beautiful moments where you hear words you’ve always wanted to hear… just not from the person you originally wanted them from.
I walked out feeling like I’d said things out loud things I’ve wanted to say for years. Will it drastically transform my day-to-day life? Too early to tell. But it felt like an important piece of the puzzle clicked into place, and I’m grateful for that.
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I also really loved the practical exercises, especially when we worked in pairs or small groups. Any time we were up on our feet rather than sitting on the floor, my body rejoiced - there’s only so long your bum can pretend to be a meditation cushion before it files a formal complaint.
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The People: The Real Magic
As intense as the inner work was, the absolute highlight of the retreat - hands down - was the people.
Each person there came with their own story, their own wounds, their own brilliance. And I genuinely fell a little bit in love with every single one of them. There’s something about spending a week with people who have seen you ugly-cry, sway in ecstasy, and eat breakfast half-awake in mismatched yoga clothes that bonds you for life.
And then there was doing it all with my best friend, Faye.
Sharing a bedroom, sharing the journey, sharing the kind of private jokes that make absolutely no sense if you try to explain them to anyone else – that was pure gold. I haven’t laughed that much in a very long time, and I’m someone who laughs a lot every single day.
I know, without a doubt, that when I’m old and wrinkly looking back on my life, I’ll think of that room, those late-night giggles, and that feeling of being totally myself with someone I adore. Those are the moments that make everything worthwhile.
It was also beautiful watching Faye be stretched to the edge of her comfort zone and still show up. Her bravery is quiet but fierce, and it inspires me more than she realises.
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The Teachers & Teachings
I really enjoyed listening to Chantelle Raven, the founder of Embodied Awakening Academy. I’d actually never heard of her before and, very unlike me, I didn’t look her up beforehand because I didn’t want to arrive with a bunch of preconceptions. I’m glad I didn’t - it meant I got to meet her as a human first, not as an Instagram persona.
So much of her story resonated with mine - dominant dad, high-achieving family, law degree… it all felt strangely familiar. Her drive and relentlessness are wildly inspiring. She also speaks with this fierce passion about living in the now - about getting off our phones, out of autopilot and actually living our best fucking life while we have it.
She would often start sessions with a short talk. Sometimes, if I’m honest, my mind would wander off to think about whether I’d ever feel my hips again. But then there’d be these moments where her conviction cut straight through my inner monologue, and I could really feel how deeply she cares - about humans, about our disconnection, about the state of the world. Those moments landed.
She’s also very triggering - in that way only powerful women can be. The kind of woman who activates your admiration and your insecurity at the same time. Personally, I think those are the best kind of women; they show you exactly where your next growth edge is.
The broader teaching team brought a mix of spirituality, psychology, and embodiment that gave the retreat real depth. Even when I didn’t always love the style of certain processes, I could feel the intention and the skill behind them.
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So… Would I Recommend It?
Here’s my honest take:
Living Tantra is not a “fun little getaway” with a side of yoga. It is work. Emotional, energetic, spiritual boot camp. There are beautiful moments of joy, connection and hilarity (especially if you bring your best friend), but at its core this is a deep, confronting process.
If you’re looking for a relaxing spa week with gentle stretching and nice views, this ain’t it.
If, however, you’re genuinely ready to:
look at your shadows
explore your sexuality and relationships on a soul level
scream, cry, and occasionally wonder what on earth you signed up for
and come out the other side with more self-awareness, new tools, and a bunch of humans you adore
…then yes, it might be exactly your thing.
I fell a bit in love with the whole idea of slowness - which, to me, sits at the heart of tantra. I’m not sure if it was explicitly taught or if it just seeped into my bones over the week, but there was this constant invitation to slow down: to feel more, to notice more, to respond instead of react. To breathe, move and sound… And that, I think, might be one of the biggest gifts I’m taking home.
That and having a morning practice.
So for me, it wasn’t a perfect fit in every way - some of the methods just aren’t my cup of tea - but I have zero regrets about going. I came home with new insights, a softer heart, a few sore muscles, a slightly fried nervous system, and memories that will stay with me for life.
And honestly? For someone who sees life as one big adventure… that feels like a pretty good outcome.