My Husband Saw The Box And Immediately Had Questions
So. We need to talk about something a little different.
And by a little different I mean a small, elegant, slightly suspicious looking device that arrived at my house in a box so luxurious it looked like it contained either fine jewellery… or a tiny electric sports car.
Friends, I would like to introduce you to the LELO Surfer 2, anal plug.
Now before we go any further, let me just say this: when you reach a certain stage in life as a woman, you start to develop a very healthy relationship with two things:
wine and honesty.
And honesty means admitting that sometimes the things that bring us joy are not yoga retreats, green smoothies, or journaling about our inner child.
Sometimes…
…it’s a very luxurious gadget designed by LELO to dramatically improve your evening.
First impressions: the LELO Surfer 2, anal plug arrives in packaging so beautiful you almost feel bad opening it. It’s all sleek design, elegant presentation, and the kind of minimal aesthetic that makes you think,
“This company clearly has its life together in ways I absolutely do not.”
Inside is this sculptural little object that looks like it was designed by someone who normally works for Apple, NASA, or a very well-funded Scandinavian pleasure laboratory.
You pick it up and immediately think:
“Well. This feels… committed.”
This is not your average hide it in the sock drawer and hope for the best situation.
This is a premium device.
A lifestyle choice.
Possibly a turning point.
So apparently Scandinavian engineers have been working very hard on this and frankly it would be rude not to appreciate their efforts.
Now at this point you might be wondering what is the LELO Surfer 2 anal plug?.
Excellent question.
In simple terms, it’s a unisex vibrating anal plug designed for either solo exploration or couples who enjoy a bit of… technological innovation.
What I discovered fairly quickly is that the LELO Surfer 2 anal plug is designed for experimentation.
There are four built-in modes, eight intensity levels, and even app control, which basically means no two experiences feel exactly the same. You can start with subtle vibrations, easing into stronger pulses.
Which, at first, feels quite lovely.
Gentle.
Relaxing.
Like the sea.
But as the intensity climbs from soft waves to stronger surges, you begin to realise that the sea in question is not a peaceful Mediterranean shoreline.
No.
This is the North Sea in February during a winter storm.
There are settings.
Many settings.
Enough settings to make you feel like you’re operating a small submarine or possibly launching a satellite.
I genuinely wondered if I should be wearing protective goggles or at least signing a consent form.
Level one:
“Oh that’s pleasant.”
Level three:
“Alright, we’re doing this.”
Level five:
“Okay, this is getting serious.”
Level seven:
“Should I have stretched first?”
Level eight:
“I feel like someone at NASA should be monitoring this.”
At one point I pressed the wrong button and the rhythm changed so dramatically that I genuinely checked if the device had connected to WiFi and started making its own decisions.
But here’s the thing.
For all the jokes (and trust me, there are many jokes), what I genuinely love about LELO toys is this:
They treat pleasure like something that deserves design, innovation, and a proper engineering budget.
Not something cheap, awkward, or vaguely apologetic.
And frankly, after years of motherhood, laundry, school WhatsApp groups, and pretending to enjoy family board games, I feel women have earned that level of respect.
Also, and this is important, the LELO Surfer 2 anal plug is whisper quiet.
Which means two things.
Your neighbours will hear absolutely nothing.
But your dog will still stare at you suspiciously because dogs know everything and cannot be trusted.
My only real concern came when my husband saw the box and asked, very cautiously:
“Is that… for us?”
And I said,
“Yes darling.”
But what I meant was:
“It’s for team morale.”
In conclusion, the LELO Surfer 2 anal plug is sleek, powerful, slightly intimidating, and possibly smarter than my television.
Would I recommend it?
Let’s just say if your current idea of self-care involves hiding in the bathroom with chocolate and scrolling Instagram while someone bangs on the door yelling,
“MUM WHERE ARE MY FOOTBALL SOCKS?”
…you might be ready to upgrade your wellness routine.
You're welcome.
And if anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bedroom.
Testing the settings.
For research purposes, obviously.