Vibrators are not for sharing!

When I was in my early 20s and living 2 hours away from home to attend college, I would often go home on the weekends to visit my mom. One particular weekend, I was in my room at my mom’s house. It was late and she was asleep and I was watching TV when all of a sudden I felt the urge to grab my vibrator for some me time. I went over to my duffel bag and started rummaging through the contents looking for it. I emptied the bag and it was nowhere to be found. I had a sneaking suspicion. Later the next day, I went into my mom’s room and looked through her drawers and there it was, my vibrator! I promptly took it out of the drawer, washed it, and put it back in my bag in my room. Later that night, I go to use it and it’s gone again! Sure enough, it was in my mom’s drawer. I took it back for a second time and hid it somewhere else. I think she got the hint after two times, which is good because I was too embarrassed to confront my mom and tell her that vibrators are not for sharing! Not between mother and daughter at least. 😂

Anonymous submission

Pee on my NEW sofa

I have a great relationship with my mother in law. but this I will never forget (or forgive)..

This happened when we lived in Israel, me, hubby and our new born at the time. My mother in law came to visit for a month and slept on the living room sofa.

We were sitting one night watching TV talking and laughing, until my son started to cry so I had to leave the room, My husband, and my mother in law stayed in the living room.

while sitting with my son I hear them laughing really hard and my husband saying "Ima (mom) go to the bathroom! go to the bathroom NOW!"

now, this is not the first time it happens, we both know who we're dealing with here! unfortunately for me, it was too late. yes, SHE PEED ON MY SOFA. my NEW sofa.

I sat there in the dark hearing everything. and cried. they never told me! (they tried to keep it a secret). needless to say I never set on it again and waited for the right time to "spill" something on it so we can replace it.

Anonymous submission

Paw Patrol fantasy

I regularly fantasize about famous people (who doesn't?!) but my current crush is Ryder from Paw Patrol! He's assertive yet boy-next-door, plus I reckon he's not as innocent as he makes out!! (Current arguement with girlfriends, is he a kid or an adult?! Totally wrong if he's a kid, not much better if he's an adult!!!)

Submitted by Gini

His parents and sister saw us in full flow!

So.... some years ago I was with my first boyfriend...

Honeymoon phase was still going strong,

I was staying with him for a week as his family had gone away, his parents and sister weren't due back for a few days and we had been having sex upstairs and somehow ended up downstairs in the conservatory....

ANYWAY... We happened to be in full flow with me on top, I looked up towards the garden and to my horror saw his PARENTS, SISTERS and his parents friends stood there looking back at me awkwardly and embarrassed... I grabbed a throw off the chair covered up (what the point was I dont know) and ran off dying inside...5 minutes later he appeared upstairs and told me that they come home early as his sister wasnt well, they had heard us upstairs and went outside to avoid the awkwardness of having to listen to us.... it's safe to say I left without speaking to them and we split a week after.... NIGHTMARE!

Submitted by Jen

Screams down the corridor

I broke my (now) husbands penis.

When we were a lot younger, pre kids and madly in love we enjoyed travelling.

We went abroad for a special occasion and stayed in a swanky hotel. First night we were doing ‘the deed’ husband felt some discomfort (I think a lot of pain) to look down and find blood all over the bed. He got a lovely hotel white towel and wrapped his penis in it, in the hope of stopping the bleeding. While I freaked out, offered to call reception or a ambulance, to which he declined. I ended up stripping the bed and soaking it in the bath. While hubby got dressed and stuffed his trousers with a towel. We ordered a taxi and headed for what we hoped was a&e. Turns out this country you go to different hospitals for different injuries (rather than just departments like the uk) so we drove to 2, which were wrong then had to try and explain to the taxi driver what was wrong. He finally understood and whisked us to the correct one. Racking up a lovely taxi bill. Got the hospital and explained. Husband got taken away, and the next thing I hear was screams down the corridor. He was having stitches in his penis. I still am not 100% what or how it happened. But he spend the rest of the break waddling round the city. We ditched the towel in a public bin and left the bedding in the bath. I dread to think what the hotel thought had happened.

Anonymous submission

A very LARGE purchase

One of my first times buying a sex toy online, I got the *inches and centimeters* marks wrong ( you know, the " or ' ) and accidentally bought a $100, 10 speed/rotation, 12 INCH LONG 5 INCH AROUND VIBRATOR/DILDO.... This thing weighs like 2lbs!! I keep it now as my Oopsie Buy, and bring it out to shock people, make them laugh, and as a weapon if anyone ever tries to break in! And no, I've never tried to use it... The damn thing scares the soul out of me!

Submitted by Alexandra

Toilet breath

My confession is, I have a hand held battery cleaner that I use to clean the bathroom, you know round the toilet and all those stubborn bits round the bath panel things like that, anyway the batterys ran out just when I was cleaning round the toilet so I saw the electric tooth brush and decided to use that with my husbands toothbrush head on it, I was in all honesty going to throw it away after using it but as I have four children running around while I'm cleaning I totally forgot about it, well that night while putting the children to bed I hear the sound of the toothbrush turn on I ran to the bathroom to see my husband brushing his teeth!! I was totally horrified but I just couldn't tell him what I'd been doing with his toothbrush... let's just say I avoided giving him kisses for a while lol xx

Submitted by Lynnsey

Alex SherComment
A jealous sister-in-law

Hi Tova My sister in law is so selfish, jelous and was treating my children (2 daughters, 14 and 9 years old) like they where not important.... only her daughter (5years, she loves me very much and so do I) matters. She was always annoyed by my little one, didn't listen to her storys, hurted her (rolled with the buggy over her feet, blamed her for almost everything when her little girl cried (everybody realized IT but no one said a word) I didn't, too because of respect for my husband(her brother)....this was going on for years. Until last September, she continued her way of being shitty with my little girl (my big one is big enough, she doesn't care anymore) So I opened up my mouth and told him how much I hate her and that she is in the Position (we gave her this position, because we kept our mouth shut) to tear us appart. He talked to her and she said, she can't remember being so rude😅😲 😨 And now , after I told her (WhatsApp) that I will never allow her to break my kid again (my little one was crying a lot at home and in school...we had an appointment with her teacher, because she was crying about her aunt, that she doesn't love her) she keeps her daughter away from us. I wrote her that her daughter is always in my heart, and I care for her. She never mailed me back just wrote her brother that my mail/I was sick. We dont have any contact now, and thats okay with me. How can you stop the hate inside you that comes up even when you hear her name? Am I the only one in the UNIVERSE with this kind of problem? A sister in law with f****** big issues...She still thinks she didn't made any mistakes.

Anonymous submission

Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

Going to give a bit of a backstory here - my boyfriend sometimes suffers with.. how can I put this.. quick fire syndrome. Anyway, the other night I was feeling quite ‘promiscuous’ and it ended very abruptly. He went to shower after, so because I wasn’t satisfied I got out my vibrator and sorted myself out whilst he was gone! Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do! 😂😂 (however he did come in after and asked about a buzzing, I managed to convince him it was the tv ahaha)

Submitted by Quick buzz

I hate my kids

There are times I want to run away like just leave. Let hubby tackle everything. Cuz I hate my kids so much. Bed time is a marathon sprint. Mornings are no better. I live for Monday's when they go back to school. I hate long weekends cuz it means my kids will home an extra day. My son screams and get super pissy when his game on my phone doesn't work. My 7 year old has gotten a new tooth and has taken to biting people. Don't get me wrong when my kids are cuddly and quiet and not fighting I love them dearly but when they don't I totally hate there guys.

Submitted by Very tired

A perfect one, but not perfect for me

I know this will probably sound terrible Tova , but here it goes , me and my fiancée have been together for nearly 5 years , we live in a flat owned by his parents , we have a beautiful dog together which we got after a rough patch see I lost a pregnancy a while back and although I kept a straight face and pretended to be okay I really wasn’t , and I needed him then and he just didn’t know , so I started to distance myself a bit , a few months later we didn’t talk much , mostly we argued , so we got a dog and he became a baby to the both of us , things got better , the puppy took up most of our time and discussion topics , but now as our dog got older there again seems to be little to talk about and I think I love him as a person I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore . I’m scared to be alone , I hate myself for not telling him the truth and just letting him move on to find someone who will appreciate the amazing person he is , a perfect one but not perfect for me . So tell me , what do I do ? I’m so scared to have to start over again !!

Submitted by Scaredshitless

Alex SherComment
A lonely struggle

I'm a single parent of a son who has autism. He is now 14 years old. I have spent 12 years devoted to solely him because he lost his ability to talk and I try to be the best advocate I can. Countless hours of taking him to speech, occupational, and physical therapy. Traveling two hours from our home town to see specialist several times a year. My life has always been about him. Two years ago something inside of me just grew tired of having to fight for the very little our small town can even offer him. I have had to fight for everything he has and at 43 I'm fucking exhausted. Exhausted from lack of sleep, IEP meetings, doctor appointments, and therapies. I haven't dated in 14 years. Mainly because autism especially a child on the severe spectrum is not easy, so how on earth could someone want to be apart of our world when there were times I didn't think I could continue to do it myself. I feel lost, lonely, and not sure how to get my momentum back. I feel like I'm in a bubble, people walking around me not knowing how much I struggle to get out

Anonymous submission

A sensitive secret

I feel like Im keeping a huge secret from my sister.

So my sister and I had our babies a month a part. And lately Ive been noticing some signs of Autism in her daughter, Im a mom of 3 and have been noticing these signs more and more. Ive discussed it with the family (our mom aka granny) and she thinks Im being stupid and Im seeing things. The Signs ive notices are Head Banging/knocking, opening and closed the hands often, screaming, not asking for things, not pointing, hardly talking or saying words, hitting when you try show affection.

My sister is a VERY sensitive person and gets upset VERY quickly and VERY easily. I want to talk to her about this but I dont know how she will react. I feel like Im keeping this huge secret from her and I feel awful.

Anonymous submission

Dangerous knickers

So a few years ago it was early in the morning and we were all still in bed. My other half decided it would be a good time to have sex...I was still half asleep so "we started" however rather than taking my underwear off he just slid it to the side 😂😂 then after around 30 seconds he says "urgh your on your period" I said "no I can't be it's only been a week since I finished my last one" he "pulls out" and suddenly blood is spurting out all over the bedroom from his dick! He had sliced his frenium on my knickers 😂😂😂 he was screaming at me to call an ambulance but I told him there was no way I was saying that on the phone 😂😂 then to make matters worse our 4 year old son walked in and witnessed the bloodbath and where it was coming from 😂😂 my partner rang the ambulance and a first responder turned up and even he couldn't keep a straight face which set me off into hysterics. Long story short he couldn't have sex for 6 weeks and he's never tried it on again while I'm still half asleep 😂😂👌

Submitted by Becky

Cosmo was a no no!

When I was younger and sexually inexperienced, I read Cosmo magazine every month religiously. Well in an article it said to insert your finger in the bum of your partner right as he ""finishes."" So I finally work up the nerve and I'm thinking to myself that I'm going to try it. So...right when my boyfriend (husband now) ""finished"" I took my pointer finger and shoved it in his bum. No wetting the small finger. I went all in. Cosmo left out some very important details here. My boyfriend's junk shriveled up inside him and he was petrified with his eyes bulging. Needless to say...the mood was ruined and I've NEVER tried again

Anonymous submission

To pee or not to pee...

Another gross confession after pooping on my toddlers nappy to collect a sample...(sure Mike will remember this one). I signed up for a park run with toddler and family. Before the start I needed desperately to pee. (Yes, another gross one) the toilet in the park was 20p and I have nothing. No one is there except for another lady with no money also waiting for a salvation or someone to give her 20p... I noticed that the baby changing cubicle is a separate thing AND it’s open AND had a sink. Well... I had no choice, grabbed the child, blasted baby shark on my phone and peed on the sink. Left like nothing happened and feeling like a winner until she goes on repeating to my in-laws “mommy pee sink” “pee sink!” Thanks baby girl this is not how we do it...

Anonymous submission

To good to bin

So back when I was in college near San Francisco in the ‘90 a group of girlfriends and I went to a women’s focused sex shop (high end, clean, classy toys) and stocked up on toys for our pleasure. I graduated and was not going anywhere with our my battery operated boyfriend (Bob) so I pack it up very carefully in a box and promptly forgot about. My parents and I get back to my hometown and I have to decide which boxes go into storage until I find a job and which go back to my childhood home. We find an unlabelled box, my father reaches a hand in and pulls out my vibrator. My father being the good catholic father of what he assumes is a virginal 22 year old, freaks out. I claim the vibrator was a gag gift from some college friends. Dad tosses the vibrator in the trash. After he turns away, I grab it and stash it in my purse. I glance over at my mom and she is not saying a word but watching the whole thing with a knowing look.

Submitted by Alison

A really 'Happy Meal'

My toddler’s nan asked if I’d like her to babysit while I ran some errands, yes great! I had full intentions and wonderful expectations of doing the food shop, going to the post office, hoovering the house, prepping the dinner... I sat in McDonald’s car park, ate 2 happy meals and had the best laugh I’d had in months listening to your podcasts, although I did get a few strange looks eating my cheeseburger laughing in hysterics

Submitted by Gemma H