Israel/ Gaza: Another Way (Opinion)
I wrote an article in 2021 about the Middle East Conflict, it's 7,000 words long and still only scratches the surface, but it will give you a good idea of 'context' - a word that's been thrown around a lot over the past couple of weeks.
I tried to be as balanced as possible, knowing full well that my own bias as an Israeli might make it impossible for me to write a piece that was objective.
Many people read it since it was published two years ago, most of them said it gave them a better understanding of what's going on. One person was furious and said it was totally one-sided, and then yesterday I received a message from a woman called Sarah who is Palestinian (displaced) who said that while she didn’t agree with all of it, she did enjoy it, but more importantly that she “shares my hopes for a better future for both sides”.
Her message made me cry.
If you can't be bothered to read the article let me give you one of its bottom lines:
It doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter who started the conflict.
Doesn't matter who took land from whom.
Doesn't matter who was there first.
Doesn't even matter who is right and who is wrong (even if we were able to answer that question which we can't because the conflict is too complex and although this argument annoys many people, it also happens to be true).
In fact, many of the things people are arguing about right now don't matter.
Not because they are not important, but rather because they can't change anything.
What matters is that we are here. In 2023. What we have is an ongoing conflict that started at some point in history by someone or someones and ordinary everyday people on both sides are suffering.
What I am trying to say is that the past has a lot of "but what about" and if we continue to focus on those, we will never see an end to this conflict.
Instead, the focus needs to be - where do we go from here, and I am well aware that even that doesn't have a simple answer.
But in the past 20 years, there has been no real attempt to SOLVE the conflict. Did you know that? Don't get me wrong, the sides have been "managing" it (if you can even call it that), but that's not the same thing as trying to solve it.
There are many reasons as to why this is and each side will blame the other, but bad leadership on both parts is probably the fastest way of explaining it, and the point is... here we are, so now what?!
Before I continue I just want to highlight for those who are unaware that I was born in Israel and lived there till the age of 30. I am only pointing this out as a disclaimer. Living outside of Israel for the past 18 years has given me a wider perspective on the situation but I think it's important you know who I am if you are to read on.
I also want to add that last week as I was posting about recent events on social media, I lost sight of who my readers were and what my platform is about.
I was bombarded with hate messages from people who support either side of the conflict who told me that they were "disappointed" in me, and it took me a few days to remember what I've known for a while - real discussion can't happen on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
So I took a few steps back to remind myself who my audience is and I asked how I could help.
They say you can only do what's in your control - so while I know I can't control what is happening in the Middle East, I can make a choice as to what I put out into the world with an intention to help, and not be bullied by anyone to say something I don't believe in.
I want you to know that although I was born in Israel and I am mourning with Israel for the loss of so many lives, I am not writing this for them.
I am writing this for you.
My community, the one we built together for the past nearly ten years. The one in which we often tackle big, complicated topics and always have a conversation, even when we disagree.
I also asked that people write in and tell me how they are feeling. Many of you did and I am really grateful for that. I have tried to include your thoughts in this piece even if they are not mentioned specifically, please know they were resonating in my mind as I was writing.
So here goes...
As a human being who lives on planet earth, a mother, daughter, wife and generally a person who tries to make the world a better place, I'd like to believe that most regular people, given the choice, would walk down the path that leads them towards prosperity, security, freedom and peace.
This is easier said than done, and certainly easier said if you are outside of conflict looking in rather than in the middle of it.
In fact, many of those in the middle of the famous Middle East Conflict can't talk about peace right now and it is understandable.
Too much killing, too much pain, too much history.
Some say it will take generations to bridge the gaps of hate between the Israelis and Palastinians who have been fighting and killing each other for many, many years.
And right now it's hard to find individuals who are living the nightmare of the Middle East Conflict, who can say anything that even resembles compassion towards the other side.
But can you blame them?
On the one hand, Israeli civilians were butchered in their homes last week. Babies, children, women, elderly... girls were raped, men were tourtured, then the monsters who did all of these atrocoties celebrated on the streets and boasted about it.
You can be the most enlightened person in the world but when that happens to you it's impossible to "rise above it".
On top, Israeli civilians have been running up and down to their bomb shelters for years because of Hamas' rockets. Most of the time no one gets hurt but that's only because of Israel's defence system, not for lack of trying on the Hamas side.
My brother told me last week he doesn't know if he should feel happy or sad that his kids jump out of bed so fast in the middle of the night when they hear the sirens and go downstairs to the shelter all by themselves.
This is the reality in Israel which I don't think many people realise.
It's a country that is in a state of ongoing trauma. Everyone is on edge. Always. I say this with absolute certainty because I lived there for so many years.
People have come to expect buses blowing up, the odd stabbings here and there, terrorist hit and runs which were popular last year and everyone in Israel knows to look out for unattended bags and men in big duffle jackets on hot days with wires sticking out of them.
But to be attacked in your own home was something no one ever expected. It shattered the illusion of security many Israelis hold on to just to be able to carry on their everyday lives.
And now they want revenge, good people who know right from wrong, who most days of the week if you ask them will say they want peace, are devastated, in shock, mourning, afraid and angry. And that is the extent of their humanity at the moment.
On the other side, civilians in Gaza are being bombed for days, weeks, months, years. Babies, women, old people are dying in crazy numbers, their homes destroyed, their futures taken away from them and nowhere for them to run or hide.
Now whether it's actually Hamas actions that have put them in this situation (financial aid does not always reach the people, Hamas hides among civilians etc) - the bottom line is that at the moment Israeli bombs are physically killing them. So yes, I get their hate, I get their anger.
Many of them were born into poverty, into a reality in which they can't travel or move freely. Their days includes checkpoints and arrests. It's an oppression that most of us can't even start to fathom, and I think it's safe to say that they too are living in a state of ongoing trauma with little to no hope of it ever ending.
They live behind a fence, it doesn’t matter why the fence is there, the bottom line is - no human should live behind a fucking fence.
On top of that, the world doesn't care about them.
They are the forgotten people who once in a while make the headlines but in between no one really gives a sh*t. I don't know if that's because of racism, Islamophobia or because they don't have wealth in a capitalist world, and maybe it's all of the above, but the bottom line is that it must feel pretty lonely and rather petrifying. There is no argument that he Palestinians in Gaza are suffering. Even before the current attack. Life in Gaza is hard, everyday, all day and right now it's completely unbearable.
While many people say that Hamas is responsible for what's happening to the people in Gaza, more so than the Israelis are, personally I think that even if that's true, it doesn't matter.
If we focus on how people feel and what they are going through without pointing fingers and playing the blame game, then maybe we will actually do something good to change things.
A Syrian friend who is married to a Palestinian pointed out that while Hamas do not represent all of the Palestinians and no one is saying that every day Palestinian civilians support terror, some of them do see Hamas as a “safe haven” . She told me that some believe that without Isreal’s tactics there would be no Hamas and a safe two state resolution.
Ironically, Israelis say the same thing, only the other way round - that without Hamams there would be peace and a two state solution.
It’s the old chicken and the egg.
The point I am trying to make with all of this is that these are two people who live side by side, who don't know each other personally, yet hate each other's guts and are both in pain.
That is the result of politics and systematic indoctrination and mutual dehumanization because you can't expect people to die for their country and defend it with all their might if they don't hate their enemy.
Many books have been written about fear mongering and how fear is used to control the masses and it's a big part of this conflict too.
There is distrust between these two people that runs so deep that sometimes I wonder if it will ever be bridged.
But I want to believe that the people who are ripping down posters of kidnapped babies or chanting "gas the Jews" do not represent the majority of Palastinians, just like I'd like to believe that the people chanting "make Gaza a cemetery" do not represent the majority of Israelis.
Why? Because I would rather believe that more people are good than bad, otherwise I can't function in this world.
Over the past week, I have seen a lot of statements and content from either Israelis or Palestinians which has been very one sided. This makes total sense. When you are living in the conflict and you are part of it and especially when you are in pain, it is virtually impossible to see the other side's perspective.
But looking from the outside it's pretty clear that civilians on both sides are suffering.
Those who are not part of the conflict can and should take a wider view and focus their intentions on helping civilians. This can be done without supporting the leaders and governments of the people stuck in the middle.
I know people on either side of this conflict get very angry when you say this, but someone has to:
Violence isn't the answer.
Violence nearly always leads to more violence and I don't care who is causing it, why, who started it, who is right, who is wrong, what type of violence it is, what the justifications are etc... I just know that it's not helping.
Violence used by Hamas does not help the 'Free Palestine' movement. It does not promote peace and conflict resolution and I don’t think there are many countries in the world who who would sit by and do nothing, had what happened in Israel last week happened to them. At the same time, violence used by the Israeli army to, according to Israel, 'defend itself', which is currently killing many civilians, is not helping get the hostages back or even get rid of Hamas. It’s also not helping Israel’s reputation in the world and it’s certainly not helping end an already long and very bloody conflict.
In short - there is a lot of violence in the air, a lot of reasoning as to why, but no actual positive (if you can even use that word in this context) results whatsoever.
And to be clear - I want Hamas destroyed as I am sure many people do.
I want to live in a world without terror, extremism and hate.
I also want to live in a world where everyone is free and no one lives behind a fence.
I want that so badly and I don't need a history lesson from anyone about the 'context’. I lived in Israel for 30 years, I know the context.
So what do you suggest?! People shout at me in the comment section.
Over the past few days I have been inspired by women's movements calling for a ceasefire and the return of the hostages for the benefit of all, not a particular side.
Women Wage Peace is one of those organizations made out of Israeli and Palestinian women who call for a non-violent, respectful and mutually accepted solution for the conflict.
These are Jewish and Muslim women, many are mothers, who work TOGETHER to promote peace for both people.
As I was listening to what they had to say, I felt like they were the only sane voice I had heard in days, but I also had a flashback to my own childhood.
Women marching for peace was something I came across in Israel many years ago and I can clearly remember how people mocked them.
Women are often mocked, our ideas seem naive when they don't fall into the patriarchal way of thinking, we are dismissed and ignored because how can we possibly understand the complexity of combat.
But what if all the men who start wars and swing their dicks around in an attempt to show how big and strong they are at the expense of our children are wrong?
What if there IS another way?
What if women were actually listened to instead of mocked and discarded and looked at as incapable of understanding and resolving conflict with other tools? Other than violence that is.
Can you even imagine such a world? Do you think it would look the same?
I am appalled by the fact that the Israeli war cabinet for example has no women in it. And yes, I am aware of the fact it’s mainly made up of ex Generals and that there has never been a woman General in the Israeli army and that seems to most like a good enough reason not to include women in the decision making process.
But to me it sounds like bullshit.
When 51% of the population is not properly represented and is not part of the decision making process over things that impact them, their partners and their children - this is what the world looks like.
As I write these lines I know there will be many who will roll their eyes.
But in reality, throughout history there have been conflicts that have been resolved through peaceful means, and some of these efforts have been led by women. While the history of conflicts often highlights male leaders and military actions, women have played important roles in peace movements, diplomacy, and conflict resolution.
So while I don’t have all the answers, what I do know for sure is that women MUST be included in all decision making forums especially in times of conflict.
I have also noticed how addictive conflict can be.
People would rather argue, even the most insane things, than try to find a middle ground or even promote something as basic as - peace for everyone.
Social media plays a massive part in this as I have stated many times before.
We are all muppets dancing to the sound of an invisible algorithm, where only the loudest most extreme voices are heard, while the moderate voices, the shades of grey who often represent the majority, disappear in all the noise.
Even a simple statement like 'more than one thing can be true at the same time' which I made last week was met with such resistance from both Israel and Palestine supporters.
Why?
Because nuance is harder to digest and it doesn't fit neatly in a meme.
This leads to the most preposterous exchanges between utter strangers, some of which have absolutely no connection to the Middle East and wouldn't be able to point Israel or Gaza on a map.
I have heard people argue over whether or not burning babies is less awful than chopping their heads off, or whether bombing civilian targets and killing thousands of innocent people is less awful if they had a note in the post in advance to tell them the bombs are coming.
I wish people could hear themselves. It is so absurd. We have literally all lost their minds.
I don't personally know many Palestinians (I know two and neither of them live in Gaza at the moment) but from what I have gathered from them, apart from the pain, anger and sense of loss they are feeling, they are also feeling afraid for their actual existence.
Ironically, my Israeli friends and family feel the exact same thing - sadness, shock, grief, anger and a real fear that they are fighting for their lives.
"It's us or them" I have heard from both sides all week.
Imagine being afraid for your actual existence - it's enough to blind you because in the fight for your own life, you cannot pause to see the bigger picture, it's the classic 'fight or flight'.
The bigger picture being that while mothers cry over their husbands and children on both sides of this conflict and any conflict for that matter, someone's bank account is getting bigger.
The bigger picture being that we live in a world that has become desentized to human suffering.
That's why those who are outside looking in play the most important role in all of this.
While those in the middle can't see straight, it's the spectators who can really make a difference.
Oh how I wish they taught the art of "and also" at schools, it would honestly change the world.
I have heard so many "but what about?'' in the past couple of weeks that could have been replaced with "and also" instead.
This may sound like a semantic difference but it's not.
'And also' promotes the idea that more than one thing can be true at the same time.
For example:
“I do not support terrorism, and also I do not support bombing civilians, and also I stand against Antisemitism, and also I stand against Islamophobia, and also I stand against kidnapping civilians, and also I stand against occupation...” you get the idea.
It's really not that hard.
Over the past few days I have seen fellow Jews call for a ceasefire due to the growing number of casualties in Gaza and it made me proud to be Jewsih.
As you know I am not religious at all, but this is what it means to be Jewish for me - to be a "mensch", to try to make the world better even when so many people hate you. It’s hard to be that person when there is no outcry from many Muslim leaders to release the hostages for example. When people chant “from the river to the sea” which for many simply means ‘freedom for the Palestinian people’, but for some means ‘kill all the jews’.
A lot of Jews are very worried right now. My friends in London and other parts of the world are scared to send their children to their Jewish schools. That's crazy. Many people didn’t even condemn Hamas’ actions and were too fast to justify them. That’s outrageous. When other counties go to war against terrorists organisations and civilians are killed but the world doesn’t seem to care as much as they do when it’s Israel doing it. That’s hypocrisy.
Antisemitsm is undeniable (though many do deny it), Israel and Jews are often judged harsher than other nations and all of that makes it very hard to ‘be the gigger person’, but I believe we must all hold on to the good in our hearts as human beings and not succumb to the darkness.
My fellow Israelis have inspired me this week too with their resilience and efforts to help the families of those who were murdered and kidnapped. The country has come together in this difficult time and that's what it means to be Israeli for me. We are all like one big family.
What we all need is to remember is that there has always been evil in the world, there have always been wars and bad things happening. But someone has to carry a torch and spread light to defeat it.
I think we all have the potential to be that light.
There is so much more I could say, but my eyes are hurting, my head is spinning and my heart is broken. I know that even in this attempt to shed some light and encourage another way there will be those who feel disappointed. But I am stepping away now and focusing on what I do all year round, not just in times of crisis.
To those of you who wrote in and asked me to suggest what you can do to help.
My first and main advice is do not consume your information from social media.
Most of the information on social media is one sided at best or inaccurate (sometimes even totally false) at worst.
I have seen many people spreading fake news and repeating lies, deliberately or not, on both sides of the argument, and this is honestly the most damaging thing anyone can do.
I also urge you to check and make are when donating money where the money is going to.
I would also strongly suggest you only share information that has been verified.
The problem with social media is that by the time information gets checked, if enough people have already shared inaccurate or false information, the damage is already done.
And I am very aware of the fact that in this era of information, we are all in absolute darkness - no one knows the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Literally none of us.
But since this is the case, let’s at least not add to the pot.
And finally, right now what I think we should all be hoping for is a ceasefire & humanitarian aid for civilians in Gaza, and the release the Israeli hostages, unharmed, at once.
The order of how the above happens cannot become another point of argument!
After the above is done the focus should be on resolving the conflict so that all parties can break free of this vicious cycle of violence and hatred.
And yes, I know it's easy said from afar, I don’t know how we do it, I don’t even know if it’s possible, both sides remind me of this daily, but as someone who has the privilege of living outside of the conflict, I have to believe this is possible for the sake of my own children and for children everywhere.
I really hope women get to lead this.