This Post Is For People Who Are Not Directly Impacted By This War
This is my THIRD blog post on the topic, I strongly suggest you read my two previous posts as I don't plan to repeat what I've already said. The first one was written two years ago and can be found here. It will give you a rundown of the Middle East conflict and the history of the land.
The second post was written a couple of weeks ago and focuses on finding a way forward that's not your usual 'this or that' BS and you can read it here.
Please note that my opinion does not carry any more weight than anyone else's out there, I am not important, I am not an expert and anyone who disagrees with me and feels strongly about the Middle East conflict should write their own blog and direct their energy into doing good rather than harassing and bullying me.
In short, if you've come here to fight - don't bother reading.
This post is for those who would like to challenge binary thinking and welcome multi-layered thinking instead. It's for people who know how to use the AND ALSO tool and who realize that more than one thing can be true at the same time.
But most importantly, this post is for people who are NOT part of the conflict. Those who are miles and miles away from the conflict sitting in their homes watching the news or following on social media
Why am I directing my words to people who are not part of the conflict?
Because I am not here to change anyone's minds.
I am here talking to the middle trying to highlight what you can do to help.
And this does not mean stop supporting whatever cause you believe in, but rather give some thought as to HOW you show your support and make sure it's aimed at a result that is actually meaningful in the long run.
I have spoken to many Israelis over the past few weeks. What I have discovered is that they are in a deep state of shock. It's taken me nearly a month to fully grasp how petrified, depressed and desperate people are feeling - it's a 'fight or flight' situation with many losing hope that things will ever get better.
The same thing can be said about the Palestinians right now - I have only spoken to two in person and neither of them are in Gaza at the moment but they know enough people who are, and from what they have told me the Palestinians are also in a state of shock, immense pain and fear, literally fighting and running for their lives.
By the way, I don't care to hear from anyone "well they brought it on themselves" whether it's said about the Israelis or the Palestinians because it’s a statement that lacks empathy and also - it's not helpful.
If you’re going to read on, I strongly recommend you ditch the need to be “right” and instead adopt a attitude of being KIND instead.
The bottom line is this - if you have ever felt like your life was hanging in the balance, like danger is physically knocking on your door, then you will know that it's a state in which it is impossible to think straight and see a bigger picture.
And by the way, anyone who does believe that "they brought it on themselves" about either side as a way to justify the awfulness of what happened in Israel a month ago or what's happening in Gaza right now, is playing a dangerous game because the same argument can be used the other way round.
We should be able to simply say about human suffering - 'that's awful' - and not try to justify or explain it with long speeches about context.
I am not saying any of this so that we can now argue over who is suffering more. The whole debate about which side is suffering more is so insane to me. People are comparing numbers, showing each other videos and images of people dead, burnt, raped, kids being pulled out of rubble, babies kidnapped, grandmas kidnapped, mothers crying, fathers looking for their children in bombed homes, fathers crying about their daughters in captivity, whole families being wiped out... all in an attempt to prove that the side they support is the one that's suffering the most.
What is wrong with everyone?!
While we all bicker over who is suffering more, the suffering continues on BOTH sides!
Can't we just agree that on a HUMAN level it's crap for a lot of people?!
So basically I'm not telling you about the state of mind of those IN the conflict so that we can argue over who is in more pain, I am telling you about it because I want to stress to anyone outside of the conflict how important they are in all of this.
While the sides directly impacted by this war, understandably, are unable at this point to find compassion for each other, hold each other's grief and suffering and even see the other side’s humanity because they are so consumed with their own very real pain, it is everyone else that needs to be the voice of reason and resist the urge to add fuel to the fire.
Because while it MAKES SENSE for those who have lost loved ones, their homes, their livelihoods and their hope to be focused on their own grief and rage and sink into hatred and mutual blaming, everyone else who is NOT part of the conflict, has no excuse to do so.
The people who are not impacted directly, have the ability to hold the complexity of this situation. They have the ability to offer empathy to ALL civilians, they have the ability to be on the side of humanity, ALL of it, they have the ability to hold on to reason and not get dragged into emotional arguments because it is not personal to them, and they have the ability to remind everyone that there is hope and try to BRIDGE the gaps rather than make them bigger.
There is no excuse for doing anything else.
I have watched A LOT of online content about this war from supporters of both sites and I am telling you as a fact that there is a lot of stupidity out there. People are repeating snippets of information, memes that sound good, partial facts and even straight up lies and they are defending it as if their lives depend on it. While anyone who is directly impacted by the war gets an exemption in this time of crisis, everyone else does not.
The people that this is not personal for have an important role to play, and here is what I want to say to them.
Dear reader,
In the past month since October 7th you have needed to become more aware than ever of the Middle East conflict and I am sure it's been hard to understand what's going on. If you've read my two previous articles you have a better understanding of the past but you probably also know that the PAST isn’t where the focus needs to be right now.
The question everyone needs to be asking is 'what do we do NOW" rather than what happened 10, 20, 30... 70 years ago.
So much of the content online is still focused on the past and it's tragic at this point.
Why? because dwelling on the past will not help us solve things, it won't correct things, and assuming what most moderate people want is to solve things and make things better, then we gotta look forwards, not backwards.
I have seen people so desperately trying to find the 'truth', they want to uncover that one piece of holy grail information that will give them the answer as to who is entirely "right" and who is entirely "wrong".
Spoiler alert - it doesn't exist.
Let me make your lives easier: both sides (the Israelis and the Palestinians) are right on many points and both sides are wrong on many points.
Can we move on now?!
Of course neither side is capable of admitting where their leaders went wrong along the way, which is why the people who have nothing to do with the conflict are so important.
It's up to them not to get fixated on the arguments because it's not helping REACH A SOLUTION.
The whole reason the Middle East conflict, which is at the heart of this current war, hasn't been resolved for so many years is because the sides haven't been able to find a middle ground.
I am not even going to get into who didn't compromise, when, why etc because it's also not important right now. What's important to know is that the more people focus on 'taking sides', the less chance there is to reach a solution.
You are also probably really confused about what's happening RIGHT NOW because throughout we have been bombarded with misinformation, lies and propaganda published by supporters on BOTH sides, especially on social media.
It's like two wars are happening at the same time: the war in Gaza between Israel and Hamas and the war online between the supporters of each side, and this is the most important thing you need to remember - the second one is NOT helping end human suffering.
That's right, read it again - the fighting online, the trying to prove one side is completely right while the other side is completely wrong - is NOT helping either side end their suffering, in fact, the longer we argue the longer the suffering continues and the less chance there is that it will ever end.
The truth is that there hasn't been a focus on peace for many years in the Israel/ Palestine conflict. This is a result of many things that you've probably heard about over the past few weeks. There is no ONE reason as to why this is, and once again I chose not to get into arguments about who is more to blame for this because it's not helpful.
Bottom line, every few years this old conflict reaches a boiling point and fighting happens and until it gets solved once and for all, this cycle of hate and violence will continue and more people will suffer.
This current war does feel different though, and not just because of its magnitude and brutality, but also because it's brought the Middle East conflict itself to the front, along with other questions about security and extremism in the whole region and the rest of the world.
But for now let's stay focused on the current fighting and what you can do to help.
Separate governments from civilians
The first thing you can do is separate governments and leaders from civilians when you address this topic.
Hamas are not the Palestinian people and when we don't make that clear distinction it sounds like what we're saying is that all the Palestinians are terrorists which they are most certainly not.
Yes of course there are Palestinians who support Hamas and during the attack on October 7th, many Palestinian civilians took part in the atrocities and later celebrated in the streets. This is understandably something many Israelis find very hard to digest and forgive, but as those who are NOT part of the conflict it's your job to highlight that these people who rejoiced in the slaughtering and raping of innocent civilians in Israel, do not represent the majority of the Palestinians.
The same goes for the Israelis - Israeli civilians and Jews around the world are also not the Israeli government and when we fail to make the separation between the two, we put Jews in danger as we have seen over the past few weeks with the rise of Antisemitism and violence against Jews worldwide.
It's also important to do this because it allows us to do and feel multiple things at the same time, like be critical about how the Israeli government is conducting the war in Gaza against Hamas and be critical about the occupation and all other policies we feel strongly about, while at the same time feel deep empathy towards the Israeli civilians who are in pain. It also allows you to be critical about Hamas' actions against Israeli civilians, while also feeling deep empathy towards the Palestinian civilians in Gaza.
And yes, of course there are extreme Israelis and jews who hate Palestinians, who attack them and say awful things about Gaza, but as those who are NOT part of the conflict it is your job to highlight that these people who laugh at the suffering of the Palestinians, do not represent the majority of Israelis.
The truth is that some civilians on both sides celebrated in the others side's pain - I have seen videos of people mocking the other sides pain, I have seen people belittling, disregarding and even denying the other side's trauma, from BOTH sides, as I am sure you have too - but I am asking you, the people who are not part of this conflict, for the sake of trying to end the cycle of blame, to NOT focus on that, but rather focus on bridging the gaps.
Focusing on the hate and the people at the extremes plays into their hands.
Use your common sense
Most people are moderate. Most people are not extreme. MOST people on either side, given a chance, would much rather live in peace. Do you really think they would prefer killing each other till the end of time? Of course not.
However within either side there are extremists who don't want peace or don't believe it is possible and their voices resonate louder because of an algorithm that loves division, because ‘divide and conquer’ is not just a catchy phrase and because people are still focusing on picking sides.
My suggestion to you is do NOT engage in that.
I honestly believe that the disrupters are not the majority and we should all stop giving them so much attention.
Be the voice of reason
That is your superpower right now - use it.
Say AND ALSO instead of OR
I have seen people demand a ceasefire and I have also seen people demand the release of the hostages. Both demands are where the focus needs to be. There is a lot of human suffering going on at the moment whether it is in Gaza with so many people being killed and displaced, and on the Israeli side with so many people still held hostage by Hamas.
Moderate people want to stop the suffering and make things right. They don’t distinguish between an Israeli baby and a Palestinian baby and rightly so. NO CHILD is born to suffer and all children are innocent regardless of their government’s policies, their leaders or even if they were born into hateful indoctrination that might day make them dangerous enemies.
Moderate people know that babies should not be bombed or be taken as hostages.
Period.
Moderate people do not add ‘context’ after saying that babies should not pay the price of war. They just shouldn’t.
However, some people feel the need to choose one over the other - it’s a ceasefire OR the hostages, Pelesninians babies OR Israeli babies, and I find so stupid.
To be clear, I can understand why those IN the conflict are focusing on their own pain and wanting to resolve the burning issue for them (ie for the Israelis it’s the hostages and for the Palestanians it’s a ceasefire and humanitarian aid), but why is everyone else not just asking for BOTH?
Focusing on one or the other is not only adding more fuel to the fire, it's actually NOT necessary. We all want the suffering of innocent people, regardless of who or where they are to end, right?
Yet there are people out there who are trying to make you pick between a ceasefire and the hostages - don't let them.
There are people out there who are trying to justify either the hostage situation or the devastation in Gaza - don’t let them!
Israeli supporters will say the destruction in Gaza it’s an inevitable part of war and the Palestinian supporters will say taking hostages is an inevitable part of war.
And so the merry go round continues…
You want to help? You want to see results? You want all human suffering to stop? Ask for both.
There are also people out there who are denying the suffering altogether and trying to convince people certain things didn't even happen.
I have heard people question whether or not the hostages even exist and whether or not the attack on October 7th took place, and I have also heard people question the death toll in Gaza and whether or not there even is a humanitarian crisis over there.
Please do not listen to people who say these things - they are not helpful, they show ignorance and are so disrespectful and the only way to shut these voices down is by not engaging with them.
If you are engaging in that type of conversation and you are dismissing the pain of the other side, please don't be surprised when it's done to you.
We are all mirrors of each other.
The people IN the conflict can’t see this now. Not only are they incapable of seeing the other side as human at the moment, they are also not being shown, or are choosing not to see, the reality of the other side.
I remember early on in the war someone interviewed a Palestinian woman in Gaza and asked her how she felt about Hamas targeting civilians including children and taking civilians as hostages and she was adamant this was not true. She believed with all her heart that Hamas only targeted soldiers because that’s what she was told and that’s what she saw on TV. By the same token, in Israel many people simply don’t know what's going on in Gaza because the media isn’t showing them everything and also because they prefer not knowing.
My point is that there are enough people who are IN the conflict who are questioning the other side’s story. Don’t add to that.
The fact is that there is a lot of misinformation and lack of trust at the moment - despite living in the age of knowledge, we are all just fumbling in the dark.
Watch several news outlets and read articles by experts from different backgrounds. Avoid opinions from influencers who up till a month ago could not even tell you where Israel or Gaza are.
And fact check everything.
Avoid hatful rhetoric
There is a lot pf violence in the air right now. I don’t think it’s surprising. Even without being a phycologist I can imagine that being exposed to so many horrid images and language rubs off.
People are angry, furious even and they want blood, anyone’s and everywhere even when it doesn’t make any sense.
I watched protesters shouting “same, shame” at a random family existing at Mcdonalds the other day. How ridiculous, right? Aggression is everywhere at the moment and I urge you to resist it.
While taking to the streets to support whatever cause you believe in is amazing and I encourage you to do so, please do it with care. When it comes to the pro palestinian protests, sadly some people with other agendas are using them as an excuse to spread hate and promote other things like antisemitism, extremism and even terrorism.
Be aware of this.
These people are not the majority but they ruin it for everyone because they become the focus and suddenly the message is diluted. Make sure you are not being dragged into something you don’t believe in. The same goes for the language used online - make sure you are not engaging in content that is islamophobic or antisemitic because it is putting people in danger.
Ask for PEACE and better leadership
The other thing I urge you to think about, and this is just as important in my opinion, is what happens after the above is achieved? How do we guarantee this doesn't happen again in two years time? As someone who grew up in the middle east I can tell you that what we are seeing now is MUCH worse than ever before, but at the same time the pattern is familiar.
The Middle East conflict is not new.
That's why beyond calling for a ceasefire & the release of the hostages immediately, everyone should also call for PEACE.
There is a massive difference between the two things.
When I say PEACE I mean sustainable and long lasting peace with an emphasis on human rights which will insure the security of the Israeli and the Palestinian people, not just in the immediate instant but also for generations to come.
There are people on either side who say this is impossible. Many people on both sides feel that too much blood has been shed, that there is too much hate and mistrust between these two people. Now probably even more than ever.
That's where people who don't have anything to do with the conflict come in.
YOU have the power to drive this narrative and be the voice of hope for those who can't see it right now.
Peace agreements are never easy and are often signed in blood for the sake of a better future and despite the massive price they come with. Compromise isn't easy, it takes a leap of faith and great sacrifice, but it is the ONLY way to ensure the end of all this violence.
And now comes the tricky part.
When you talk about peace it has to be a REAL peace and in order for it to be real it has to be made with and between the right partners, and it can't live in isolation.
We can't really talk about peace in the Middle East without taking into account other things like Iran's role in all of this for example.
We also can't talk about peace without replacing the current leadership on BOTH sides.
Somehow Hamas have been labeled as freedom fighters and even before Israel started bombing in Gaza people were very fast to 'justify' what they did on the 7th of October because of their basic lack of understanding of who Hamas are and what they are after.
All I can say is - marketing is a powerful tool my friends, possibly the most powerful tool out there.
PR has made normal people believe that an organization that does not believe in human rights and performs acts of brutal violence against civilians, including women and children, worse than acts performed by ISIS, are somehow nice people.
What you need to know is that Hamas do not represent the Palestinian people. They only rule over Gaza, not the West Bank and there are many other Palestinians either in Israel (Israeli Arabs) or displaced who have absolutely nothing to do with Hamas. They were elected in the early 2000s and there hasn't been another election ever since. They are not fighting for the freedom of Palestine, in fact they are causing them much more damage than good.
Their charter states that what they want is for Israel to no longer exist and they are still even now dedicated to this goal.
And on that topic I just want to add that there are many people out there who don't want Israel to exist. When asked what will happen to the Israelis if Israel didn’t exist they say “let them go back to where they came from” but where they came from includes many countries they can’t go back to even if they wanted, because they would be killed there - like Libya, Iraq, Syria, Yeman etc. The chant 'From The River To The Sea' for example which you may have heard over the past few weeks and not know exactly what it meant - for some simply means 'free the Palestinians'‘ (and I agree, they deserve their own country and should 100% be free), but for many means getting rid of a country that's been around for over 70 years and not only is it an impractical suggestion it's also highly offensive.
From the Jordanian River to the Mediterranean sea effectively means canceling a country that’s already there and I think most moderate people understand why this is impractical.
The bottom line is (whether people like to or not) - Israel does exist, and it's not going to suddenly stop existing. You can't cancel a country. You can't go back in time, as appealing as it may sound in theory to some people, it's just not practical and it will not happen.
So aim for something realistic like establishing an independent Palestinian country ,alongside Israel.
Two states, for two people.
Focusing on something realistic instead or something that will never happen, and I would also argue can (and sometimes does) incite violence against a minority that has a history of being persecuted, is far more effective and will be beneficial for BOTH sides.
That's the meaning of compromise and any moderate person knows that when there is a conflict, compromises need to be made.
Hamas is not moderate.
They are a terrorist organization who are funded by the Islamic Republic in Iran, a body most of us protested against not so long ago when they were killing girls in Iran for showing their hair, remember? (That's still going on btw).
In order for there to be a partner for peace on the Palestinian side - Hamas have to go and more moderate leaders have to take their place.
That’s NOT to say Hamas is the only reason why peace hasn’t happened yet. Many people have pointed out how the Palestinians in the West Bank aren’t much better off than those in Gaza and the Hamas don’t rule over there, and they are right. The Israel’s government has played a massive role in all of this, which is why leadership on the Israeli side has got to change too.
Bibi Netanyahu who effectively has been Israel's prime minister for the past 14 years and his right wing government have got to go.
Words will never be enough to express how much damage this one man has caused the country and is still causing. He is power driven, narcissistic, dishonest and has not put the safety of his people or the peace process at the top of his priorities to say the least.
Over the last decade and a half not only has he not done anything to progress any change of peace, he has actually done the complete opposite and even though so much of what’s happening right now is a direct result of his incompetence and arrogant, selfish and irresponsible leadership, he has not taken any responsibility and instead has tried to put the blame on others.
His government does not represent the majority of Israelis - it's a coalition built from many small parties who are right leaning and ultra Jewish and for the past year hundreds of thousands of moderate Israelis have been protesting against them.
My brother and sister marched every Saturday night through the streets of Tel Aviv trying to get rid of him and get Israel back on track for months. There are many people in the country who wanted this crazy government to be replaced and they did everything in their power, but they couldn't make it happen. I seriously hope this is the last straw.
In short, in order for there to be a partner for peace on the Israeli side - Bibi and his gang have to go and more moderate leaders have to take their place.
What I am trying to say is that while we are all desperate to see an end to the violence, while we all want children everywhere to be safe and free from bombs, terrorists, kidnappers, rockets, occupations, sieges, genocide etc, we have to also understand that without replacing the leadership on both sides, even if we achieve the above in the immediate instant, it will only be temporary.
I do not have all the answers for you and I certainly am NOT suggesting we do nothing. This madness HAS TO END.
As mentioned, I support a ceasefire, I support humanitarian aid for civilians and I support the immediate return of the hostages AND ALSO I support the dismantling of Hamas, the replacement of Bibi Netanyahu and including MORE WOMEN in the decision making process because frankly all these men have made enough of a mess.
The Global community has a lot to answer for.
The truth no one wants to admit is that they don’t really care enough to solve the middle east conflict until it has a direct impact on them. There is a lot of politics involved and sadly civilians always pay for the price of corrupt governments and power moves - it’s the capitalist way.
Countries around the world should be sending peace delegates to the region to negotiate the safe return of the hostages, a ceasefire and then peace instead of warships. Everyone’s focus needs to be to end this once and for all, because both sides have already lost enough.
The Middle East should not be forgotten about as I fear will happen in a few weeks when people get back to their Christmas shopping. That’s the biggest worry. These types of things tend to be “trendy” for a while and a way for people to grow their social media platforms, but when the hype passes they move on to something else.
I truly hope that’s not what will happen.
Many of you have messaged in private to say that all you want is peace and that you’ve written to your representatives asking them to do everything in their power not just to end the current fighting and return the hostages, but also to put pressure on the sides to sit at the negotiation table.
That’s amazing and I am so grateful.
For now, I am choosing to follow those who are amplifying voices that are being compassionate about all suffering and who are holding the complexity of this situation.
I am choosing to stay hopeful despite the utter despair everywhere.
I am choosing to cling on to my humanity, not to engage in hateful and violent rhetoric.
And finally I am choosing to share my thoughts in the same vein with others hoping I might inspire you to do the same.
This is most likely going to be my last post on the topic - I will continue supporting peace and donating to the charities I support all year round, as well as supporting friends and family who are impacted directly. I urge all of you to look after yourselves - there are so many levels of trauma going on at the moment, it’s okay to take a step back if you need to.