Ladies- stop apologising!

Ladies- stop apologising!

A few weeks ago I was speaking to a friend who received a business offer (doesn't matter what it was) from a big company who wanted to invest in her brand. I listened to her say over and over again "it's so nice of them" till I realized that my brilliant, smart, hardworking, talented friend felt like this company were doing her a favour.

They were not.

They wanted to invest because they saw a financial potential that they can benefit from.

That's business.

It had nothing to do with her being a nice person (she is), and while doing business with nice people is great, that alone is not the main factor to consider when choosing who to go into business with.

It made me think about women in business in general, and how I have over the years come across many occasions where brilliant women felt the need to apologize. Apologize for asking more, for expecting more, for wanting more... And it hit me that perhaps it's time we should stop apologizing.

Where it comes from is complex.

A time when as women we did not have our own money, we did not work let alone run businesses or even take part, when it was considered dirty for us to even talk about money. There is also some psychology around how as women we find other value in work apart from the financial aspects (nice work place, friendly people, self development, good relationships etc). But at the end of the day, "nice" plus all of the above (which is super important for sure), will not pay the bills.

Some argue that women are less assertive in negotiations. The reasons behind this can also be linked to how girls were (and possibly sill are) brought up to be "pleasing", "agreeable" and "nice". Girls in pervious generations were taught not to make a fuss, and after all, negotiating a better deal for yourself might come across and being ungrateful for what you already have so you might as well say thank you and be quiet.

But as someone who grew up in a very business minded family (my dad's a businessman as was my grandfather, plus I was a lawyer for a few years and worked in a corporate world that was mainly male dominated) I can tell you for a fact that in business - you don't get extra points just for being "nice".

And please do not confuse being nice with being fair. I am not suggesting being assholes, it's so much better working with lovely people, but what I am suggesting is that we drop the need to please others or be liked in a business setting when it's not relevant.

As women we have been brainwashed to believe that if we ask for what we are worth we are being "demanding", "difficult" or even "bitchy" while men who expect to get their worth are called "good at business" and "strong leaders".

So my point is - stop apologizing!

Know your worth. Whatever it is that you do is worthy and if you think you deserve more or better then go for it. Ask for it, stop saying "sorry" or how grateful you are. Know that you have earned your place and that being "nice" in business is sometimes irrelevant and possibly also preventing you from being unstoppable!