An Open Letter To Men
An open letter to men,
I've wanted to write this for a while but I kept stopping myself. Something about not wanting to be a nag, not wanting to come across as an angry man hating feminist or as someone who is asking for too much and is ungrateful for what she has.
But the truth is - I am angry.
And disappointed.
And hurt.
And I am guessing I'm not the only one.
You see, women have opened up and shared their 'me too' stories, they've told you how unsafe they feel, they've spoken about sexism, discrimination, misogyny, sexual harassment and worse and you've listened and agreed that it's awful, you've said it's a bunch of rotten apples/ extremists/ right wing/ religious minority - that ruin it for everyone, you've stated that things need to change... and then you've done very little (if anything) about it.
I don't get it.
How does someone who knows it's not right that half of the population is scared to walk home at night, that rape jokes are not funny, that telling women what to wear or what to do with their bodies goes against their basic human rights, that it's not fair women get paid less and that sexism leads to violence against women and girls... do very little to stop it?
And don't get me wrong, it's great that so many men do not take an active part in the above (hashtag not all men) and I am grateful for that, but why are there not more of you who are actively trying to make things better? Why is this not something at the top of everyone's agenda? After all, this directly impacts people you love - from your own mothers to your partners, daughters, sisters and friends.
And no, I don't want to hear about how it's 'not all men' who do bad things, when the truth is that - it's 'not enough men' doing more.
I don't want to hear about how there is nothing you can do because that's what (some) men are like. Have you tried? I don't want to hear about how what's going on in another country doesn't impact your wife because guess what - women will never be free until every single one of us are free, so yes - it does impact people in your life right now. And I don't want to be grateful for the fact that not all men harass, rape, beat, disrespect and discriminate - it's not impressive, it should be obvious!
In other words - you don't get a medal for not being a rapist or for doing the dishes.
I want to hear what you are DOING? How are you going out of your way to promote women's rights? What marches have you been on? Do you call out sexism when you come across it? Are you an equal partner at home? Do you make it a priority to ensure the workplace is suited for female employees? Do you set an example for others?
In short - what action are you taking every day to promote quality? Because I'll tell you something - it's a daily struggle for the people you love.
And listen, there are some truly incredible men out there who are fighting for feminism on a daily basis and for their efforts I am beyond grateful. It takes courage to stand up to the patriarchy and go against generations of brainwashing and oppression, but I believe it is everyone's battle and that more men should join the fight.
Will you?
What you do with this is up to you.
You can choose to take offence but that's just a way of letting yourself off the hook.
You can ignore it but remember that the most dangerous thing in the world is apathy, and that would make you part of the problem.
OR you can do something about it.
Anything.
I truly hope that being able to look those you love in the eye and say "I did everything I could" is enough to motivate you into action because it's getting a little hard to believe all the excuses and I'm starting to think that you simply don't care.
Sincerely,
A woman
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