Rape Jokes Are Never Okay No Matter Who You Believe
I'm disgusted by the hateful content about Amber Heard on social media.
No matter who you believe, this case reveals domestic & sexual abuse that should not be taken lightly. Yet I've seen countless videos bordering on character assassination that not only make fun of AH personally, they also mock sexual trauma and question how anyone could possibly be sexualy assulted by someone like JD.
Remember that next time someone assaults you, if they're sexy enough you should feel flattered - it's a dangerous narrative to support.
Some justify his behaviour by arguing that “she was asking for it" with her own aggression which is no different from telling a woman she caused her own rape by flirting.
Like many other women before her AH is being called "mental", "crazy" & “c*nt” because misogyny is deeply rooted in our society and victim blaming, as well as discrediting women, are effective tools used to silence us.
Think about it, convicted pedophiles receive less hate than she has.
People should be ashamed of themselves for jumping on the bandwagon in the name of engagement.
And to be clear, I'm not here to tell you who to believe, I’m simply asking you to see the bigger picture.
There are people out there who've been waiting around for years for a case where the woman lied. For them it has nothing to do with justice, and everything to do with the dust settling on the Me Too movement.
Because of course if one woman lied, then they (we) all did, and while it’s “not all men” - it’s always all women.
Obviously men can also be victims of domestic abuse, no one is arguing that, but the fact that we're learning new details about this couple's toxic relationship does not take away from what we already knew.
There is evidence of JD abuse towards AH (texts, emails, images) and her abusive behaviour towards him (as an instigator or in response) does not erase it.
The truth is we will never know everything that happened behind their closed doors, all I know is that the world is far less forgiving towards women and that’s why the focus of this post isn’t to prove one of them right over the other but rather to highlight what’s wrong with the culture.
Women are never believed.
We don’t even need to lie for that to be the case, it’s the premise in which we operate and it’s always our burden to prove we are telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth even when all the facts point to it.
So yeah, I would be very mindful before bashing AH (even in a comic context), not just because the message it sends to other victims and their abusers, but also because next time the bashing could be about any one of us.
I would like to add that since posting the above on my socials I've been subjected to attacks both publicly and in my DMs over said post. It's not the first time people haven't liked what I have to say - I got abuse for taking about abortions, rape culture, even Donald Trump.
What was not surprising was that many of those who attacked me clearly did not understand what I was saying in my post in the first place, in fact - some admitted they didn't even read it, yet it still made them very angry.
It happens often - read any comment section about anything polarising and you'll see that a lot of people are not interested in complex opinions, they just want to know what side you're on and if they can't make it out then they project one on you and run with it.
So the conversation in the comment section of my post gradually became crazier - some said I got paid to write the post, that I was supporting abuse against men etc, all of course false claims which diverted the conversation from the main issue to utter drivel and I have deleted some of those comments because I won't have such lies posted on my page.
I admit, it distracted me too because my instinct was to defend myself and I got pulled into this imaginary drama. I don't want to do that any more, I have no interest in debating who is right or wrong, I don't care if you've watched the first half of the trial 100 times, if your second cousin went to high-school with either of them or if you are an expert on reading body language - the post (as mentioned twice in it) was not about taking sides so all of that is irrelevant.
My post was about a culture that celebrates women's downfall, it was about people jumping on the bandwagon for the sake of engagement and about why it's dangerous and damaging to make fun of sexual violence - in my opinion rape jokes are never okay no matter who we believe - and non of the above takes away from the fact that men can also be victims of domestic abuse (as clearly stated in my post).
I would like to thank the thousands of people for their kind messages they sent me in private. Many of them said they didn't want to comment publicly because they didn't want to be lynched by a virtual mob.
I find it sad that so many people are silenced in this way. It's usually people with less extreme opinions who want to have a conversation rather than just shout a bottom line, and so what we often see on social media are opinions that represent two extreme ends to any complex matter rather than a meaningful conversation about it. It's 'cancel culture' tied up in a 'herd mentality' at their finest and it's the biggest issue with social media.
I will continue sharing my thoughts about stuff as I always have, regardless of the accepted narrative by the loudest and/or masses, and highlight points that may have been overlooked. Sometimes you'll agree with me and sometimes you won't, and that's okay.
I will also continue blocking anyone who is abusive towards me an/or others in this community - if anyone is abusive towards you please let me know and I will remove them.
Finally, I would also suggest that those who are very passionate about this topic consider redirecting their energy towards doing something good. I support a few charities that do amazing work to help end gender inequality and also domestic abuse so please feel free to donate - here are some useful links:
Refuge -The UK’s leading domestic abuse charity of violence against women and girls.
Equality Now - who help create awareness for issues affecting women and girls around the globe.